Remembering you on your "Unoversary"

Hey Buddy! How are you doing today?

Thoughts of you come every single day

Not of melancholy, not of mourning, but those that lift my spirits

And mentor me to do my best and make you proud without limits

Methinks that you departed us too early for the heavenly abode

But lo and behold! - Just realized "YOU" are with us on this life road

Only that you relocated to a place more conducive than this

That facilitates fulfilling your further and newer responsibilities

Your dealings and activities on this stage came to a culmination

As you no more ail - good for you but bad for us - miss your wit in action!

Wondering how easily you handled the humour with so much finesse

I know not your art of wordplay that you managed with such ease!

How beautifully you stretched your imagination to capture

The simple things of life yet very subtle in nature

Your ardent love for language positively manifested in your writing

The challenge is upon us to tend your love and keep it growing

Ah! Forgot your immense love that reached to even programming languages

Passion for C++ was amazing; managed well with C#, but Java with little grudges

Played around with Ruby, Perl and Python too! - gee, this is not my cup of tea

But I am sure your techie friends still think: "What would Kartik do if he were me?"

You may be gone in the embodiment, but "YOU" are still here with us

In a form that is so difficult to comprehend but so easy to experience

In the moments of doubt and fear just imagining "YOU" by my side

Gives me reassurance and any kind of fear in me find hard to reside

Thank "YOU" for being there!

OUR BLOGGER DEPARTS

I pen down this last blog with heavy heart as Kartik leaves for heavenly abode. This gives us the evidence that even the kingdom of God has dearth of noble and kind-hearted people so He takes them away from us. Though Kartik is not with us physically, his soul is very much with all of us. I am sure a star is born somewhere amongst us at 6.55 A.M. today.

He led an exemplary life and I am at loss of words to describe that. After fighting a long battle for 18 months, Kartik finally succumbed to his illness. I am happy that he put a brave front till last and exuded energy and courage throughout. May his soul rest in peace.

We have organized a prayer meeting on Saturday between 5-6 P.M. The venue is still not decided, however, we will do that in a day or two.

We thank you all for your continued encouragement, support and prayers, however, HE wanted Kartik to be with Him sooner and so be it.

Kartik in ICU

It is indeed sad to share with you all that Kartik is not doing too well and is currently admitted in Intensive Care Unit. The fever spike last night accompanied by low blood pressure, high pulse rate and breathing problem led doctors to take this decision. He was being observed till morning, however, his oxygen saturation level was not upto mark so doctors had to succumb to putting Kartik on ventilator. Kartik is sedated presently and his vital signs are being monitored. His chest x-ray doesn’t look too good. The doctors are doing their bit. However, "The Super Doctor” has some plans that we are unaware of. Let’s pray and hope for the best.

Drug Induced Depression?

Yes, the cheerful and positive Kartik is not doing so well since last couple of days. He hit a low, however, he is trying hard to bounce back. The doctors did not deny that this could be a possible side effect of prolonged use of one of the antibiotics. Currently the doctors are holding that drug.

The doctors are great and they are doing their best. They still seem to be clueless regarding the cause of fever. Loads of antibiotics are being given, however, Kartik's body is resisting all of them. Yesterday they did chest x-ray and found some lesions around the lung. This could be due to:

1. Possible Fungal Infection 2. Any other infection 3. Leukemic Deposits

The doctors are trying to figure out this too. Let's hope and pray for the best.

As a student of statistics, I have learnt that the normal distribution is represented as a "bell-shaped" curve. There are escalations and de-escalations in values that makes the graph. However, philosophically speaking doesn't that represent our life? And the wise men named that "normal" distribution! We too have highs and lows. So, let's accept what comes our way and hope for the best.

Fever 101.4

The cells in the Kartik’s body were enjoying a “five star hospitality” until yesterday when the doctors downgraded the heavier antibiotics to lighter ones. However the cells didn’t like the “three star treatment” so they decided to rebel. Kartik was running a slight high temperature today early morning. Fever has been playing hide and seek since last night. The heavier antibiotics have started so things should be in control by tomorrow.

WBCs are also upset this time due to onslaught of stronger chemo drugs and therefore not ready to budge from 100. Hopefully they should also start rising from next week.

Now some good news for you – Kartik has found potential 10/10 matches from NMDP registry. We are going for another round of tests to find the best match amongst them. The process is lengthy so it will take some time to find the right donor. Over and above many people would be vacationing at this time of the year. Hoping that everything falls in its place at the right time.

We can't thank you all enough for your continuous prayers and support.

Finding Lost Avid Letterman

This morning I had the strong urge to write a letter, not an email, using the good old pen. These days pens have been relegated for menial task of signing on the dotted line or they are simply used as ornaments on your attire. I sincerely regret that.

So I decided to write. I could think of no other recipient than my uncle, who was the one responsible for me to get started with letter writing. In my childhood days we exchanged many letters. As time went by I got mired in other things and simply gave up on writing. Had it not been for my correspondences with my uncle I probably would not have realized that I like writing. Had I continued writing I would not have been a software engineer but probably a student of some linguistics subject.

There is something meditative and blissful about writing with a pen. Time slows down. Your mind relaxes. I almost felt like a cow chewing the cud ever so slowly in green pastures :). I am a touch-typist and I can type really fast. However, neither the slowness of writing with pen nor the absence of spell-checkers and rich text formatting made me groan. Made a mistake? Simply scratch the wrong words and write the right ones beside them. To err is human, right? It is amazing that despite the slowness of this art you never realize that you have already finished few pages in no time. I enjoy the timelessness experienced while writing.

I only wish that my handwriting was a little more presentable. When I come across a written matter written in beautiful handwriting it makes my heart yearn to have such a skill.

So folks write a letter instead of an email once in a while and experience the bliss :).

Maya Needs Help

Maya is a 4 year old child of a Caucasian father and an Indian mother. She is suffering from a rare blood disease called HLH. The parents are desperately trying to find a donor but the search is difficult because Maya is of mixed race.

If you do know couples of similar mixed races, kindly pass on the message to them. You can find more about Maya here. Here is an article that appeared in LA Times. Her website can be found here

Back After Hiatus

So creating a climate of your liking around you like a mountain does is not as easy as I thought. :) I must admit that I botched up and did all the things I should not do - things proscribed by the manual of positivity. I cried when I got admitted on the first day. I rarely do. But it just happened partially because of the physical pain afflicted while putting the new line and partially because I refused to accept that all this was happening. For many days I only thought about the bleak side of things. Getting a person whose bone marrow HLA type matches mine seemed like a futile exercise.

That was some days back. I am in much better shape now. Relentless flow of positive thoughts and prayers from friends and family and reading the book that Surbhi talked about 2 posts ago has helped me immensely.

Please don't give up on me. I am still confident that I will take my next few months of treatment with stride and come out of it successfully.

A Quick Update

Isn’t it amazing how our body works? Kartik was quite unwell yesterday, however, believe it or not he is once again back into action today and that too with a laptop in his lap! The stronger dose of antibiotics worked. WBCs became visible today on the machine after going into hiding yesterday. The poor machine doesn’t report when WBC count is insignificant or less than 100 due to its own limitations. There is still some time before WBCs reach a normal range.

A dear friend of Kartik donated his platelets yesterday and that is the reason you see a respectable number in the table on the right. Blood and Platelet transfusions would be frequent in the next two weeks. On the donor front the news is that we have got 12 matching donors on low resolution DNA typing. We have still to find a matched donor on high resolution DNA typing. The search is going on. Keeping our fingers crossed that we find a donor as soon as possible.

I think a quick update went a little longer. Kartik’s neural circuitry is still finding the right connections to get back to blogging. In the meanwhile this is the best you can get from me. :-)

Books, Movies, Cricket and Medicines!

That's exactly how our daily event schedule looks like. Kartik is taking a break from fiction reading and exploring a non-fiction - The Power Of Now. I would give two thumbs up! The book truly reflects the profound message from the film Bawarchi: "It is so Simple to be Happy, but so Difficult to be Simple".

Moving into another genre we recently saw a mystery thriller: Agatha Chrisite:Poirot's Lord Edgware Dies. A must watch I must say. We have still some more Hercule Poirots in the queue so wait for the reviews. :-)

Cricket is in the air these days. It was thrilling to see India win the second Test Match against Sri Lanka. Sri Lankans were absolutely bowled over by our bowlers. Hoping to enjoy the third Test Match too starting on 2nd December.

There is nothing much to update on the treatment front. The WBC counts have reached the nadir at 100 or so we think. Hopefully they shouldn't go down further. Growth injections have started so the counts should gradually come up in the next 15-20 days. Kartik's taste buds have gone for a toss, however, the doctors made sure that his body does not so they have put him on all kinds of antibiotics - antibacterial, antiviral and antifungal. These are all preventive medications to minimize the high risk of infection at low counts.

Things are going on pretty well as of now. Hoping this to continue in the coming days. Sorry guys, I cannot be funny or punny like Kartik so I am at least being sunny.

Chemo Over!

And now getting ready for the consequences of the chemo and commencing of Groundhog Day :-) For the next few days we are expecting the counts to be very low. It would take its own sweet time to rise once again. The doctors have put Kartik on some of the antibiotics as he is very prone to infection in this vulnerable period of next 10-15 days. Otherwise he is doing well.

Hopefully he should be back to blogging soon!

Third Day of Chemo

More than half of the chemo doses have already been administered. The doctors are giving combination of three different drugs in this treatment protocol. Kartik is taking them quite well without any noticeable side effects except mild fever and slight weakness. He is also maintaining his normal diet. Hoping for the smooth sailing throughout the entire cycle.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support.

Fresh Round of Chemo Inches Away

New and Stronger Drugs are waiting to flow down Kartik's veins to attack the army of unwanted cells that stealthily managed to escape before. Hopefully this time the cells would not have much leeway and would have to succumb to the medicines.

The entire chemo cycle would take around 3-4 weeks to finish before Kartik gets discharged. The cycle would be almost similar to the previous ones - 5 days chemo followed by growth injections until the WBC counts come up. As one of Kartik's friends wrote "We have been there in the fog before so coming back would not be difficult though the road would still be treacherous".

Thank you all for your continued support and encouragement.

Ward Off Trouble - But First, Trouble of Wards!

Friends, believe it or not I am still at home, enjoying all the coziness around me.  I was scheduled to get admitted last weekend but it seems our hospital has run out of semi-private and private wards.  It's incredible.

Tomorrow I am scheduled to go for a blood transfusion since my haemoglobin is low.  That would happen in the daycare.  Hopefully, I would get a vacant room tomorrow right after the transfusion.

Will keep you posted. :)

Back to Square One

Title of this post happens to be what I keep hearing everywhere around me or I sense it being said silently when  people talk with me.  The phrase it seems is laced with bleakness and defeat - even if we go by the dictionary perhaps.  But I carry my own Dreamer's Unabridged Collegiate Dictionary.  The lexicographer in me has different connotations for such words and idioms than what was perceived by my counterpart in real world.  To me "back to square one" means, yes, I am back from where I started but the meaning is not one-dimensional.  I am back where I started with more knowledge.  I am wiser.  I know so much more about my body.  I know so much more about how mind helps healing.  I know so much more about all you well-wishers  and how you kept praying for me perpetually.  I am back to square one with more wisdom and more fortitude.  I am back with more tenacity to battle this disease and never let it trounce my inner happiness.  

Just a few days back a dear friend of mine visited me and we all started talking about Mount Rainier in Seattle.  This mountain is huge enough to have its say on the climate surrounding it.  That's what I am striving to become.  I always want to be enwrapped in my own weather - a weather of happiness and tranquility.  Let the doctors come and sigh pitifully at me.  Let them impart the grimmest of news, I want to be under my own weather impervious to my surroundings.   It goes without saying that you all will play a key role in making me maintain such a weather.

The next few days will unravel the next journey I have to embark on.  Like a game, it is now at a level higher with more risk and requiring more experience.  I feel I have that.  I will not cave in under pressure.

Chances are I will be going for a chemotherapy really soon - maybe in next few days.  My blood sample has already boarded the flight to New York to find a good Samaritan who matches it.   MUD transplant is  what we are looking for.  MUD stands for Matched Unrelated Donor.  Since neither my sibling nor my maternal  cousins' marrow can be donated to me I have to look for an unrelated donor.  A 10-by-10 match is preferred but a 9-by-10 match can also work.  The process is going to be slow so we all need to be extremely patient.

The forecast in my world for coming days is "warm, sunny and clear skies" so don't worry :).

We are getting stronger!

It is said that difficulties make you stronger and better. It is so true, indeed! The Higher Power somehow gives you this inner strength to handle the situations well.

Things were going on smoothly at our end when yesterday the doctors dropped a bomb shell - the disease has relapsed! So, basically we are back to square one. It was really shocking for all of us; this was the last thing we expected. However, the best thing is that the "Birthday Boy" is cool. Kartik chooses to be calm and composed without being much disturbed. His smile is giving us courage to remain smiling and hopeful.

A close friend of Kartik visited us to wish him birthday and make us smile too!

Kartik's primary doctor is out of town so we will get the updates on further line of treatment only on Monday or Tuesday.

Thank you all for your continued support, prayers and encouragement. We will need these in plenty now. :-)

Biopsy and Transfusion Done Today

Thanks to some great planning by Surbhi and to my dear friend who graciously decided to come for platelets donation today itself, I got both biopsy and transfusion done on the same day.  Everything went off really smoothly.

Let's see what my scorecard says next week.  I am hoping for the best :).

Have a great weekend everyone.

Long Day at Hospital Tomorrow

Dear friends, it looks like I will be spending better half of my day at hospital tomorrow.  The bone marrow biopsy which was due few weeks back is due tomorrow.  There is nothing to worry - this is a routine procedure.  Because my WBC count was very low till recently there was very little to learn from the biopsy.  However, now WBC count has soared healthily, mostly in response to my cold and sore throat - which is a good thing.  So now doctors will get a better picture of my bone marrow's health.  The procedure will be performed under general anesthesia so I will be in a nice slumber when the procedure happens.

We also have got to take care of low platelets.  Yet another kind friend of mine is giving me his platelets this time.  Thank you so much to all my donors - I don't know what I would have done without you!  Let's hope that after this transfusion the platelet count soars up like the WBC through my own marrow.   The hope is still very much alive and I am very patient.

As I said earlier I have a running nose and slightly sore throat.  There is nothing to worry.  It is in the air out here in Pune.  In fact after having taken just one antibiotics dose I am feeling much better.

So that's that.  See you all on the other side of the bone marrow biopsy.  The report will take its own sweet time to come though.  Keep me in your prayers and thoughts.  I am feeling upbeat because of all you  nice people out there.

Constructive Witticism

This is an SOS call to all the civil engineers reading this blog post. The three storied blood count building that I erected few months back, located on the top right corner of this post, needs some strengthening  Our short-sighted engineer seeing the third floor's occupancy weight not go beyond couple of  thousands planned its support structure with those figures in mind.  Today we had an occupant weighing 6,600 and as you can see the building has begun to crumble.

We don't want to lose this valuable occupant so can one of you be kind enough to do the required masonry work?

:)

Blood Checkup on Monday

The news is that I am fit as a fiddle and Surbhi is getting a well-deserved break from me and is visiting her relatives in Mumbai.  Consequently the Rindanis have unanimously decided that we will knock the door of our hospital only when the calendar heralds the date "2 Nov 2009".

I have been very silent in this space but believe me the reason is genuinely a good one.  I am slowly and gradually getting back my rhythm in office work and enjoying it immensely.  Unfortunately because of that whatever little creative part I have in my brain is utilized for work related problems :).

And to my two readers of "Psi Sickness" story, who withstood the obscure humour that I assailed  the readers with, I will be back with second part.  You still have 24 hours to dissuade me from writing the second installment :).